I thought it was only fitting after the last post featuring The Hijabist, that I share with you what my interviewees had to say about sex & religion. Obviously, this is a very polarizing issue, people feel very passionately both for and against religion. It is one of those things, it will always be....
I was thrilled to see the discussion the last post generated. And thats really the healthiest part about this exercise, talking about it - airing out concerns and issues.... learning to tolerate views that are the opposite of ours. So once again, I'd love to hear your views :)
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Textual religion I can’t say anything about, but in practised reformist Islam in urban upper class Pakistan demonized sex to such an extent to children and teens that when the time comes to actually have sex, even after marriage, people have already developed an internalized horror of things sensual and sexual. In the Islam my family practices, sex is to be used only to tie one’s spouse to one’s side and in order to procreate.
Layla, Female, 19
It plays a very significant role, and is seen as both good and bad, depending on the situation ( eg. Premarital supposed to = bad). But a mother giving birth to her child = beautiful. It heightens the power of God as it is like a miracle.
Ambreen, Female, 28
i think in each religion they mention it (as far as my knowledge is concerned) i think sex is very important.... i remember reading somewhere foreplay was mentioned in a hadith... infact there are certain schools of thought that say a wife can ask for divorce if she's not sexually satisfied....
Mariam, Female, 26
Oh god… (groans) I don’t think that sex plays any role in religion…I think religion plays a big role in people's sex lives. In religious guidelines…. Sex is something….functional….especially our religion…Islam…so its really sidelined…. Religious people cannot have any notions about sex….simply because they’re not permitted by religion to have such notions about sex…apart from its very functional …and reasonably enjoyable nature….but reasonably enjoyable for the more emancipated religious people. For the less emanciapated it’s simply functional…that’s why it has a huge bearing on people's sex lives….if u take that (functionality) out of the equation …people would be much happier with their sex life.
Fatima, Female, 25
Sex plays one major role in religion – PROCREATION. But you know, different religions different thoughts…it doesn’t have to be nasty like people make it in our culture.
Our religion encourages you if you want a divorce. I think
that way this religion (Islam) is a lot more accepting, I mean fine – it may be a bit
male-oriented, but then… all religions are. But yeah – it allows you four wives;
you can be ‘doing four different people legally’…
The funny part is that the religious extremist center of
Pakistan – is the first part
of Pakistan (up in the north) where we had our first gay marriage earlier on…and
then of course they blamed the earthquake on it saying it’s a sign of “Qayamat” …well there are gay marriages
all over the world and there are no earthquakes as a result of them. Yeah we
still have a lot of education that lacks but its funny how they can be so
accepting of the fact that yeah we like
it this way…and we can get married… however you come into city centers and
urban areas its like we’ve gone back in time – where we’ve caught up with the
west everywhere else – this is something that’s still very taboo. It’s what the
80’s was in England for gays is what Pakistan currently is; very, very closed minded. Yes –
a lot of families do disown their children. Yes – a lot of kids have been
beaten the shit out of. My own uncle married a gay woman (and this is in the
early 80’s) so she could get her inheritance.
We don’t believe in ourselves because that’s what our
society teaches us – is not to believe in ourselves even sexually. Sexuality is
very personal and because you’re told not to have personal beliefs you end up
very dead in today’s world. FUCK people – open your minds… start living!
Sumeira, Female, 25
I don’t think you should put sex and religion together –
they are two different things. I don’t think you should combine them – They are
two very different things.Zobia, Female, 22
Many established, institutionalised religions such as Christianity and Islam try to restrict sexual activity to reproduction, if anything at all. Other religions like Hinduism embrace sex, whereas Buddhism promotes abstinence and monks aren’t meant to make any physical contact with women whatsoever. Leading religions however, (i.e. Islam, Christianity) encourage a minimal interest in sex…mostly implying that it is an impious or unclean act…totally ruling out any spiritual qualities that can be attributed to sex.
Saira, Female, 22
I actually think sex plays a big role in religion in general. I think its misinterpreted that its
not allowed or its taboo....its impossible to have a healthy marriage without
it so it promotes it in a way. Actually i tihnk in islam u are allowed to have
a divorce from ur husband if he's not sexually pleasing u.
Rabia Female, 23
Sex is an integral part of marriage, and marriage of my religion. Thus it is an important one. There are numerous mentions of intimacy in the Quran and Hadith (which I can provide if you would like) which indicate their significance.
Farah, Female, 29
Most if not all religions
place a number of restrictions on sex. I think in Islam, there are some
positive discussions and some negative. The restriction on sex before marriage
is understandeable and workable only if people marry very young, and therefore
perhaps these parts of the scripture should be reinterpreted to reflect modern
times.Sam, Female, 28
ahh..sex and religion haha. well i should say that to my knowledge, Islam does pay importance to sex, (in marriage of course). Apparently you get 'sawab' for having sex with your partner. And islam certainly is accommodating towards it. I know they say four wives concept was not just to satisfy men’s needs but also to provide women support etc, but c'mon...how many men do we know who'd have the urge to marry 3 more times for charitable purposes ONLY? you take the sex out and i wouldn't expect many muslim men will indulge in polygamy much!
Plus the enticing offer of virgins in heaven (for men) again
seems like gods willing to bribe the men with sexual favours! (no offense).
BUT Islam also expects you to bathe everytime you have sex,
because you need to pray five times and sex makes you 'unclean', plus you can't
have sex during a roza. That, my five-time-praying-friends tell me, isn't most
conducive towards their sex lives.
Regardless of how people may choose to defend their
religions, I think it has played an extremely negative role by repressing
sexuality in society! And i'm talking about what the holy books (mostly
abrahamic religions) say, I am not talking about modern practices (which aren’t
always an accurate depiction of the religion)
It is after all religion that condemns sex outside marriage,
it requires women to cover up, it tries to de-sexualize women, it prohibits
contraception etc
The woman most revered in Christianity is the 'Vigrin Mary'.
Its like the idea of her having sex was so damaging to her piety and purity,
they told everyone, she managed to conceive a baby without intercourse!!
The general message that religion seems to send, specially
for women, is that the less sex you have, the less sexual you are, the more
pure and holy you are!
Sex in religion…Its become quite a controversy, I think, and there are a lot of misconceptions with regard to sex. So much of the idea of original sin has seeped into our culture, along with its guilt with regard to sex, and the idea that it’s disgusting or shameful. We forget that there are whole verses devoted to sex in the Quran and that several hadith have detailed how to please your partner. I think Islam in particular is quite practical about sex – it doesn’t make a fuss about it, but it doesn’t ignore it entirely either. It recognizes sex as an important part of life, and as with other important areas of life, it gives us advice on how to go about it in a civilized manner. It’s only us that have created such a wall of mystery and shame around the topic. Silly of us, really.
Mahreen, Female, 26
I think some religions see sex as a means to oppress women, to “keep them in their place”. A lot of the double standards I see are promoted by religious figures. But that’s my view.
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Ah, thats a healthy and diverse set of opinions...
What the men say, next time :)